Monkey Hair Growth Committee

Dr.Kerrigan rubbed the bridge of his nose. It just didn’t make any sense. The research had been going so well. Abel poured over his latest data, anomaly number six had popped up in New York, New York. Abel had been ecstatic, that meant that they had a specimen in the US, and so close to the committee’s lab and work place. But after a preliminary report…

DOCUMENTATION OF ANOMALOUS MONKEY HAIR GROWTH #6
>>>A GROUP OF MONKEYS BEING BROUGHT INTO THE COUNTRY RECENTLY WAS DISCOVERED TO CONTAIN THE SIXTH KNOWN ANOMALY IN THE RESEARCH OF THE MONKEY FACIAL HAIR GROWTH COMMITTEE, ALTHOUGH RECENTLY THE WORK HAS BRANCHED OUT WITH THE DISCOVERY OF THE HL-V INFECTION. SEVERAL OTHER MONKEYS HAD EARLY STAGE DEVELOPMENTS OF HL-V. THIS IS THE FIRST DOCUMENTED CASE OF INNER SPECIES JUMPS. WE FEAR THAT THE JUMP TO HUMANS IS JUST AROUND THE CORNER.

>>>IMAGE OF ANOMALY #6
//WARNING, IMAGE MAY BE VIEWED AS GRAPHIC

Spoiler:

And then it just didn’t make sense. Their grants, funding, access to information had been denied. They had a blood sample about an hour away, sitting there waiting for closer inspection and maybe a chance to cure the infection. Abel stood from his desk chair, moving his glasses out of the way to rub his temples. He slinked out of his lab coat, opting for just his blue jeans and black sweater, a little more comfortable and with no higher-ups around there was no need to be dressed so formal. He caught a reflection of himself in the microwave and fixed his back hair a little as there was a cowlick right on the top of his head. He poured himself a cup of coffee and moved back into the main office, awaiting the rest of the committee to break the news to them.

Andrew "The Duxucker" was walking merrily to work after waking up late. He didn't care, since his grand father is the chairman of the MHGC. However, he had to pick up the pace; his pace machine said so.
He approached the building. Not a negative thought was in his mind, he was pondering the last time he had a nice hot plate of steamed oysters. When out of the window of the second story burst a computer monitor.

"The fuck?..."

He scurried on in, past the receptionist to get to his office on the third story. With a flick of the wrist he had the elevator do his bidding. After enjoying the elevatorous tune he stepped out of the doors into complete chaos.

"THE NUMBERS SIMPLY WON'T CRUNCH!"
"Get me the four nine one on that celtic beast- fucking hurry!"
"Would you like a shot of tourpentime, Mr. The Duxucker?" a neatly dressed attendant asked, while behind her several fat sweaty men clicked away on keyboards in front of several massive screens with raw data of all sorts flying across violently.

He didn't give a flying fuck.

Jack heard the commotion outside. He grabbed his two Nerf guns, tied on his red head band, then threw open his office door.

"JAAAAAACK KEEEEERRRRIGAANNNN!" he bellowed, not sure when he was going to die today, he wasn't taking any chances.

Letting one of the twenty dart belts loose into a small grouping of gossiping office women to his left, they all knew their fates and quickly went to one of the designated out areas. He hefted the other gun to firing position, finger twitching on the trigger. Two young lads rounded the corner of the nearest cubicles with foam footballs in hand, ready to pelt the nearest enemy.

"JAAAAAAAAACK KERRRRRI-...." Jack stopped, he noticed that they too had red bands around their arms. He let a grin play on his face, knowing that he employed these people, and they loved their jobs.

The smile was wiped off his face. A volley of suction cup arrows came flying over the cubicle walls, sticking to the monitor of the work station and the lads faces. The glum look on their faces as they moved to the nearest out station ignited a fire in Jack.

He ripped off his shirt, jumped the cubicle wall, and charged towards the Blu base. All twenty of his arrows made contact with someone face. He made a dive through a desk, rolling as he scooped up the Blu ball that was their flag for the day. He flipped a desk to block several construction paper ninja stars from connecting with him, no way in hell was he getting out today.

He let the desk finish flipping. Then sprinted down it.

JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK KERRRRIIG-rrrrr-G-rrrr-GGGGGAAAANNNNN!" he screeched.

He jumped off the back of one of the sweaty fat men's chairs and slammed the ball into the hoop at the top of the computer.

"Red team, win." said the four fat men in unison.

"Jack....." he panted, "Kerrigan."

Bill Stienger stared intently at the Gorilla. he shoved his nipples at the cage and waited a bit for some sort of response. nothing. Dr. Stienger had spent the past 2 weeks trying to figure out a way to make Rachael react sexually toward him as she had his brother. finnally he he figured it out.
"Andy!" he called out to his assistant
Andy came out of his office. he was a very obese man. he waddled over to Dr. Stienger and asked "what can i do for you sir?"
"thrust your nipples at Rachael for a minute. after a strange look he obeyed. Dr. Stiengers face filled with glee as he screamed "success"! it had worked the Gorilla approached Andy and started to massage his nipples. now all he needed to do is round up more test subjects...